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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26868622">A Moment As An Optimist</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AetherAria/pseuds/AetherAria'>AetherAria</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the pseudo-canon chronology [26]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(alas........ ), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Forbidden Love, Lizard Kissin' Tuesday (Penumbra Podcast), Multi, Second Citadel (Penumbra Podcast), miscommunication followed quickly by communication</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:00:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,702</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26868622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AetherAria/pseuds/AetherAria</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It is one of Damien's favorite events of the entire year, all revelry and romance and joy, and he cannot wait to share it with his lovers. Or- with one of them, at least.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla (Penumbra Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the pseudo-canon chronology [26]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2236875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from the song Heart of a Pessimist, by Be Steadwell, a song which also p well vibes with the fic as a whole. Also, just to... get out ahead of this a little, but I'm gonna be taking a break from fanfic for the month of November so I can properly do NaNoWriMo again this year! Which is exciting! But it also means that I'm gonna publish fic on tuesdays for the rest of October, and then November is gonna be radio silence from my end, on here at least. You can come hmu on tumblr @jakkubrat if you wanna see me just, shrieking at the void about writing in general, but I doubt any of y'all are interested in that. Anyway I love you. Hope you like this one! I intend to get the second chapter out before my little hiatus :3c</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And <em>then</em>," Damien says, gesturing wildly with his hands, "after the sparring demonstrations and the feast, the square is cleared and the musicians take their place of honor. They will play, and play, and <em>play</em> the whole rest of the evening. Songs quick and full of giddy joy, songs steeped with contemplation and longing and love, all manner of melodies in the in-between, and they will not cease playing- not until the very last of us has grown too fatigued for further footwork. Only when the very last of the revelers has succumbed to exhaustion, only then will the music finally fade into the more natural song of the night."</p><p>Damien sighs deeply, then, his hand pressing over his heart as he fixes his eyes on the middle distance.</p><p>"I'll admit the dancing is pretty fun, at least," Rilla says with a shrug, her own tone much more casual. "Food's not too bad either."</p><p>"<em>Pretty</em> fun!" Damien cries, his eyes sparking with excitement. "Oh, damning with such faint praise, my love! It is quite reliably among the most enjoyable events of the year! Why- oh, I could not possibly forget the year when you and I danced clear through until the dawn, and when finally we relented we were so terribly exhausted that we barely clung to each other long enough to stumble to the closest inn to properly <em>collapse</em>- a battle more draining that my greatest conquests, and still I do not think there has been a day I have laughed quite so heartily, nor been so blessed with your own laughter and love! Oh, Rilla, perhaps this year they will play that one particular song- that one with those quick triplets, the one that played just as they lit the lanterns last year, oh, and Arum! When the drums begin, then we could-"</p><p>He pauses.</p><p>"We- y-you and I could- could-"</p><p>Damien notices, quite suddenly, the low growl emanating from his lizard love. He notices the wince upon Rilla's face, as well.</p><p>Damien swallows, pulling his hand back to press over his heart as it sinks, and sinks, and sinks.</p><p>"We could... <em>what</em>?" Arum murmurs, slow and measured and vicious. "What, precisely, could <em>we</em> do at your <em>festival</em>, honeysuckle?"</p><p>"I-" Damien's breath catches. "I... I only..." he buries the hitch in his throat in a slight cough. "I... I managed to get quite ahead of myself, I'm afraid," he says in a muted voice. "So excited was I to share such joy... I did not even think."</p><p>"You certainly did <em>not</em>," Arum hisses. "How little prompting you require to forget, hm? To forget <em>entirely</em> that I am a <em>monster</em>."</p><p>"No," Damien says quickly, shaking his head. "I- I did not forget- how could I possibly? Arum-"</p><p>"Or to forget me <em>entirely</em>, perhaps-"</p><p>"I did not forget <em>you</em>," Damien says. "I forgot <em>them</em>. I forgot- I forgot every single thing in the world, besides you, and Rilla, and I, and... and the idea of spending a whole long evening with you both, dancing in the lamplight."</p><p>"I imagine the evening would be rather <em>short</em>, in fact. Hardly a minute would pass before I was <em>slain</em>."</p><p>"<em>That's</em> not fair," Rilla snaps, pushing off from the wall and glaring at the monster, but Damien's heart is still swirling and tumbling and the image- Arum at the festival, dancing at their sides, the cries of alarm and fear and hatred, the <em>blades</em>-</p><p>"Very little <em>is</em>," Arum snarls. "I am merely pointing out the <em>obvious</em>. It does not matter what we want- what <em>he</em> wants. That door is not open to us, and to pretend otherwise is foolishness itself."</p><p>"You <em>know</em> he wasn't trying to make you feel left out-"</p><p>"I-" Arum laughs, bitter and brittle and unconvincing. "I feel no such <em>thing</em>. I do not <em>care</em>. In fact- in fact, I do not have the first clue why we are still <em>discussing</em> it. Should you not be on your way already?" He snarls, and then he folds his arms over his chest, visibly settling himself. "Go on, then," Arum says, his voice flat and toneless, but Damien- Damien can't help but hear the current of pain beneath it. Judging by the way Rilla's expression shifts, just slightly, she can hear it too. "Go on. If this event is so terribly exciting, you should scuttle off to your Citadel and start your revelry already."</p><p>"Arum," Damien starts, his voice gentle, and Arum's snout wrinkles.</p><p>"I don't need your <em>pity</em>, honeysuckle," he hisses quickly, turning to pace with his cape billowing behind him. "We all know exactly what time we may steal away with each other. We all know what we are <em>allowed</em>, and what we are <em>not</em>." He turns his head away, his lip curling up to show the edges of his teeth. "It hardly matters anyway. I do not expect that any human <em>celebration</em> would be of any interest to me whatsoever. Music is only music and food is only food and I can very well find some of my own anywhere I should like."</p><p>"Arum," Rilla says, her voice quiet but firm, and Arum's scowl deepens.</p><p>"What? <em>What</em>, precisely, have I gotten wrong? In what way is my understanding of the situation <em>flawed</em>? I have no interest in-"</p><p>"I won't go."</p><p>Arum blinks, stumbling from his pacing to a halt, and his frill begins to sink as Rilla turns towards Damien again.</p><p>Damien shakes his head, feeling the tightness in his throat and attempting not to let it become evident in his voice. "I won't. I- I do not <em>want</em> to. It is only by <em>necessity</em> that I am ever <em>anywhere</em> that you cannot safely accompany. By Saint Damien above why should I <em>ever</em> want to revel and ramble and partake in such a joy if I cannot share it with the both of my loves? Why-"</p><p>"Oh, Damien-"</p><p>Rilla steps closer, one hand reaching to grip his wrist, and Damien feels the heat at the corners of his eyes and shakes his head again, more fiercely.</p><p>"This festival has always and only ever brought me joy, brought me closer to and more familiar with love, with beauty and delight, and- and I could not even consider those concepts for one <em>moment</em> without thinking of you as well, Arum, and- and- and I cannot <em>bear</em> the idea of suffering an event I once loved so dearly without you by our sides. It is <em>unthinkable</em>, I could not- I <em>will</em> not."</p><p>Arum stares at him for a long moment, his frill sinking further, his throat rattling.</p><p>"I won't," Damien says again, more quietly. "Not without you."</p><p>Arum inhales slowly, his expression folding into more visible pain, and he hisses through his teeth and winces before he responds.</p><p>"No," he says slowly, his voice low and rumbling. "No, I can't abide-" he pauses, and then sighs, dropping his eyes. "No. I didn't- I did not- I spoke rashly and- no. I didn't mean to- to-" he clenches his teeth again, lifting a hand to scrub down his face. "No. This... this event is... significant to you, honeysuckle. I know that it is not your fault, nor hers, nor mine, that we cannot enjoy it together. It is no one's <em>fault</em>, it is simply the truth. It is simply... the world, as it is. But-" he hesitates, and then he sighs again and steps closer, reaching to brush his hand down Damien's arm.</p><p>Damien sags instantly at the contact, immediately closing the remaining gap, folding himself against Arum's chest as Rilla lets go of his wrist, stepping up behind him instead and touching his back with soothing hands.</p><p>"But, little honeysuckle, that does not mean you both should not enjoy it regardless. Clearly I should not like to be without you, but I would be much more unhappy if my mere existence kept you from something you so clearly adore."</p><p>Damien blinks, and then he lifts his face to frown up at the monster. "But, Arum-"</p><p>"This is important to you," he murmurs. "And it is important to <em>me</em> that our arrangement does not prevent you from taking little joys where you can. I apologize for... for snapping at you, in my frustration." He leans down, nudging their foreheads together and sighing. "I am sorry that I allowed my own... that I turned my own pain outward to cause you distress as well. I <em>want</em> you to go. I want you to go, and I want you to enjoy the evening as much as you are able."</p><p>Damien makes a small noise, helpless, and then he wraps his arms around the monster and <em>squeezes</em>, hugging him tightly enough that Arum gives a surprised exhale, and then a low soft laugh.</p><p>"Oh Arum-"</p><p>"I want you to be <em>happy</em>, Damien. I want you both to be happy, even if I cannot be always by your side to be happy with you."</p><p>Damien hugs Arum even tighter for a moment, until the monster makes a small breathless noise, and then he loosens his grip enough that he can tilt his head, pressing a kiss to the edge of Arum's jaw, and he cannot help but feel the tears rallying again at the gentle purring noise that rumbles deep in Arum's throat.</p><p>"I love you," Damien croons, his lips still touching scales. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry we cannot-"</p><p>"It is no one's fault," Arum says again, even more gently. "What we have together already, despite the current conflict... what we have together is already something miraculous. We should not be <em>greedy</em>, I think," he grumbles, his voice performatively grumpy, and Damien chokes on a laugh.</p><p>"Oh, so <em>greedy</em> of us, wanting to dance together," Rilla grumbles behind him, her hands gentle on his sides, and he's surprised to hear a small note of sourness in her voice.</p><p>"Still," Damien says after a moment, soft and sad. "Still. I cannot help my feelings, cannot help how much I wish..."</p><p>Arum nuzzles Damien's cheek with his snout, sighing. "I know. Loathe as I am to admit it... clearly I <em>wish</em>, as well. We knew this would be... complicated when we began together. This is simply something we must swallow, for the moment. Perhaps, someday, we will not need to."</p><p>"I do not want to leave you here <em>alone</em> while Rilla and I-"</p><p>"I will be fine, honeysuckle," Arum says, shifting back enough that he can lift a hand to brush Damien's hair from his forehead. "I promise. To begin with, I am not <em>alone</em>, so to speak. I am never alone within my Keep."</p><p>"You <em>know</em> that isn't what he meant," Rilla says, and Arum rolls his eyes.</p><p>"Obviously. But I meant only to assure him that I will not be curled into a ball and <em>wallowing</em>. I will have company, should I desire it, and I will be <em>fine</em>. I apologize, again, for speaking cruelly to you. I've... gotten it out of my <em>system</em>, as Amaryllis is fond of saying," he says with a light sneer, and Damien can see him burying a grin as Rilla raises a skeptical eyebrow at him. "I will not be too terribly bothered by anything but the lack of your warmth. It is only one evening, after all."</p><p>"Well... I <em>suppose</em>, if- if you are certain-"</p><p>"I am certain, honeysuckle." He nudges his snout against Damien's temple, then, a sweet echo of a kiss, and then he steps back, squeezing Damien's hands before he drops them. "You should go. I will be dearly disappointed if I have managed to entirely ruin this evening for you."</p><p>Damien frowns, his stomach still twisting with uncertainty, with how <em>wrong</em> it feels to leave in such a way. "But-"</p><p>"He said he'd be <em>fine</em>, Damien," Rilla says, and her shrug is exactly as casual as her words, but when Damien turns towards her to continue to voice his distress, she-</p><p>Winks, with the eye that Arum cannot see in their current positions.</p><p>"It's just one night. We'll all manage to muddle through for just tonight, and then we'll all do something together later this week. Okay?"</p><p>Damien frowns, very lightly, his confusion bubbling, but-</p><p>Well. He knows her, knows that particular quirk of her lips, knows the way her eyebrows raise when she silently tells him to trust, to trust her.</p><p>He does, of course. He always does.</p><p>"I... I suppose..." he murmurs, still confused enough that he cannot think of any better words to say.</p><p>"We'll make an appearance, at least. If we aren't enjoying ourselves, there's no reason not to just... slip out early, yeah? And-" she turns to Arum, ducking her head slightly as she lifts a hand to touch his shoulder, smiling when he leans into the contact. "Can we just... come back here later tonight? Just to sleep, or- whatever. You don't have to wait up for us, if you don't want to, but-"</p><p>"Of course you may," Arum says quickly, frowning. "Always. You are always welcome and wanted, here." And then, as if to soften the certainty, the enormity of the <em>always</em> he has just offered, he scowls. "And I certainly will <em>not</em> wait up, so you may waste no consideration on <em>that</em> outcome."</p><p>Rilla grins, soft and bright and sweet, and Damien knows as well as she does that the monster is lying.</p><p>"I love you," Damien says again, because he cannot hold the words inside while they sit scalding at the back of his tongue.</p><p>Arum's expression softens, surprise and aching fondness shaping his features, and he steps closer again so he may pull the both of them into his arms.</p><p>"I love you as well," the monster murmurs, sighing into their hair. "Now go and have your fun, will you? I expect further tales of glory and exultation when you return."</p><p>"Love you too," Rilla says with a snorting laugh, rolling her eyes as she pushes his scaled arms away, but Damien's heart still aches.</p><p>"I..." he trails off, uncertain, and he clings to one of Arum's hands for another moment.</p><p>"Please," Arum says softly. "Enjoy the evening <em>for</em> me, if you cannot enjoy it <em>with</em> me. I will still be here, when you tire of the lamplight."</p><p>"Alright," Damien says slowly, and then he kisses the back of Arum's hand before he releases it. "Until tomorrow, then, Lord Arum."</p><p>When the Keep opens a portal for them back to Rilla's hut, Damien does his best not to allow his eyes to linger on his lily for too terribly long. Rilla takes him by the hand, thankfully, and her unruffled feathers soothe Damien's own jagged edges as the portal closes again behind them.</p><p>When they are alone, Damien sighs, but he rallies his nerves in only a moment, and he raises an eyebrow as Rilla's grin goes toothy and wild.</p><p>"Alright. Alright, my flower. May I know, now, precisely what you have planned for our love?"</p><p>"Okay," Rilla says, her voice nearly trembling with her sly delight, "so, tell me if you like this idea-"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He promised he would not spend his evening moping. However, Arum is a notorious and consummate liar.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is too soft even for me. I literally can't read it again or i'll fucking evaporate. byeeeeeee.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arum tries to sleep. He <em>does</em>. Not particularly long after they leave him, in fact, Arum sighs and sags and gives up pretense, gives up any illusion that he is doing anything at all besides thinking about the humans, thinking about the celebration he cannot possibly join them in, thinking about the dance they cannot share, thinking about how- how <em>beautiful</em> they always look, together, how beautiful they look without him-</p><p>He gives up the pretense, and he curls up in bed.</p><p>Sleep fails to find him, though.</p><p>How many more such nights will there be, in his future?</p><p>How many more celebrations, how many dances, how many embraces will he be summarily excluded from? It is none of their <em>faults</em>-</p><p>He curls his arms around his own chest, a tangled parody of an embrace.</p><p>It is none of their faults. But the world, such as it is, will always hold Arum away from so large a part of their lives. When already Arum is a new and awkward third to their years of familiarity and knowledge and understanding-</p><p>Arum cannot resist the slow bleed of helplessness in his chest, the distinct sensation of inevitability. It has been some time since he has felt the feeling so <em>sharply</em>. Not since the early days, when their relationship felt so tenuous and fragile and Arum himself felt so certain of failure, not since those days has he felt so... resigned. His bond with the both of them can never possibly measure against their bond with each other, least of all while they are busily creating new memories and new bonds with each other while Arum-</p><p>While Arum curls and waits, wide-eyed and sleepless, for them to return to placate his hurt.</p><p>A recipe for resentment, if ever Arum has heard of one. He, resenting their happiness without him and <em>despising</em> himself for it. They, despite their kindness, their understanding- certainly they will tire of expending their energy in the pursuit of his elusive comfort eventually. His ill-nursed wounds will become their burden, with time, and one day they will look at him and they will <em>sigh</em> and their frustration with him will outweigh their affection.</p><p>Damien nearly chose not to leave at all. Nearly <em>insisted</em> upon staying, in fact, because the little poet is more compassion than good sense, and he is kinder by far than Arum deserves.</p><p>Arum cannot stop thinking of that. Of the cruelty in his own hands, the potential to dig his claws into the pair of them and drag them down into the dark with him, of how <em>easy</em> it would be to ply Damien with guilt and keep the pair of them all to himself-</p><p>An obvious cruelty. He would never forgive himself, of course, and he is certain as well that such efforts would only cause their resentment towards him to fester even more, in the long term.</p><p>He curls into an even tighter ball, hissing between his teeth.</p><p>Amaryllis would scowl at him and flick him in the nose if she knew how ridiculous he's being, at the moment. But then, she is not here, is she? The entire issue is that he is alone, and they are hand in hand somewhere beyond his reach, and Arum does not believe in <em> fate </em> but this certainly feels like what is <em> meant </em> to be.</p><p>Foolish. He squeezes his eyes shut, and then he wastes what feels like nearly an hour attempting not to think at <em>all</em>.</p><p>He gives up on sleep at long last, as he gave up on working earlier in the evening, and he drags himself from the bed with a heavy sigh. The Keep accommodates gently, no hint of teasing in its voice as it opens the way to his greenhouse, giving him soft bioluminescence to light his way.</p><p>He walks slowly, carefully, picking his way between the foliage and distracting himself with all the numerous marks of Amaryllis' hands upon this part of his home, the little labels she has affixed to sticks stuck like miniature flags in the dirt beside the less easily identifiable herbs, the cartoonish unhappy faces she has used to demarcate the more... <em>deadly</em> of his floral charges, the even rows of newer greenery she has introduced-</p><p>It only hurts a little, her fingerprints in his soil without her presence in fact. He is unsure whether or not he should feel lucky, that Damien's presence here is so much more ephemeral. If Arum allowed himself, he could still his mind enough to hear the echo of honeysuckle's poetry, whispering between the leaves. He has spoken so many lovely words here, between the trunks and bramble, Arum is certain that they must still be flitting in the shadows like moths and motes.</p><p>At least, he thinks, their mark will remain upon his home, upon himself, even after they have grown tired of humoring him.</p><p>He is unsure how long a time he has expended in this melancholy observation before he feels the Keep hum, before he feels a small spike of delight from the structure. After a moment, however, it goes oddly quiet. Suspiciously so, perhaps.</p><p>Arum raises an eyebrow, frowning vaguely upward.</p><p>"What?" he grumbles. "What are you up to now?"</p><p>It hums noncommittally, hedging, and Arum's frown deepens.</p><p>"What do you <em>mean</em>, nothing? You cannot <em>hide</em> from me, you enormous fool. What are you <em>up</em> to?"</p><p>It pauses for a long moment. Arum feels the silence as if the creature is holding up a metaphorical finger, and his impatience spikes, his frill fluttering as he gives a warning snarl, but the Keep ignores him for nearly another minute before he feels it pulse with a strange little shiver of excitement and-</p><p>He scowls. Something like <em>mischief</em>. Never a good sign, where his Keep is concerned.</p><p>"Do not give me that <em>mood</em>. I <em>demand</em> you explain yourself, you gigantic meddling-"</p><p>It opens a doorway before he can finish the sentence, and Arum is surprised first of all to realize that it is only showing him the way to the other side of the greenhouse, to the section dominated mostly by thick-trunked trees (which Amaryllis insists on labeling as the <em>orchard</em>), and as Arum stomps through with a snarl half formed into further complaints, the words disappear from his lips.</p><p>His Keep has strung vines among the branches above, lighting the wide, leaf-strewn space with blooming bursts of warm orange bioluminescence, and standing together beneath that canopy, Arum's humans are smiling, hand in hand.</p><p>He has never seen them dressed so elegantly. The rich blue and soft brown of Damien's kurta ripples in the light as he turns, smiling, the subtle weave of the silk only barely catching the eye with a near-imperceptible floral pattern. Amaryllis glows just as brightly, draped in a warm brown that matches the accent of Damien's clothes, glittering with carefully woven beads in an asymmetrical river curling down from her shoulder to her waist.</p><p>Arum remembers, when the portal closes at his back, to breathe, and then he remembers after another moment how to speak.</p><p>"I... y-you are... you have returned much... much earlier than I expected," he manages. Eventually.</p><p>Amaryllis grins a little too wide, visibly pleased with herself, and then she pats Damien's arm and the knight, his own eyes gleaming and soft, steps closer to Arum himself as Amaryllis tugs lightly on one of the nearby vines.</p><p>"I'm glad that we have found you still awake, my lily," Damien says softly, his tone utterly earnest, and Arum struggles to think beyond the pounding of his heart. "I feared that we may have left you alone for too long."</p><p>"O-oh?" Arum blinks, and then shakes his head quickly. "I- rather. I told you, honeysuckle, I have been perfectly- perfectly fine. What are you-"</p><p>"Just trust us for <em>one</em> sec," Amaryllis says, flashing him a sharp, striking smile, and Arum's words vanish yet again. Her smile softens at whatever look she has stunned onto his face, and then she reaches up, placing her recorder in the bell of a large pale flower the Keep has provided, gently amplifying the whirring sound of the machinery kicking on throughout the space as the Keep lowers the bioluminescence even further, slipping towards the quality of candlelight without the flicker.</p><p><em>There we go</em>, Amaryllis' voice says mildly on the recording, and Arum can hear the sound of footsteps on stone, the light chattering of people, the laughter of hatchlings- children, rather-</p><p>All the gentle, rumbling murmur of a festival in the evening dimness.</p><p>"Amaryllis," Arum says, soft. "Did you-"</p><p>"Shh," she says, wrapping an arm around Damien as they slip closer. "Trust us."</p><p>"Would you care to accompany us tonight, Lord Arum?"</p><p>Arum feels himself go still, the warmth of the attention of these shockingly gorgeous creatures almost too much to bear, and with a rattle in his chest he manages, just barely, to nod.</p><p>They reach, both in the same moment, and take Arum in their arms.</p><p>Amaryllis leaves one hand settled at Damien's lower back, the other she slips up over Arum's shoulder, her fingers brushing light along the back of his neck. Damien leans closer, letting his cheek rest on Arum's other shoulder as one hand wraps around his back, the other still clinging to Amaryllis on the other side, a tangled little triangle of limbs further complicated when Arum instinctively lifts his own arms to embrace them in return.</p><p>They hold him, they hold each other, and Arum blinks, both pleased and confused, but he does not have time to worry deeply as chattering on the recording quiets, and only a moment later the music begins.</p><p>The song is slow, gentle strings and rumbling drums and something bright and chiming, low murmurs from the crowd overlaying the instruments as the two humans hold him close, and this is- Arum is warm, and held, and he feels overwhelmed in perhaps the best possible way.</p><p>"Wh-what are you-"</p><p>"Close your eyes," Damien murmurs, his fingertips pressing against the scales of his back.</p><p>Arum blinks again in surprise, but after only a breath of pause he obeys, trusting their hands to hold him as he ducks his head.</p><p>They begin to sway with him, just slow, and after a long moment of music and murmurs, Damien begins to speak, his tone melodic, reminiscent of a spell.</p><p>"We arrive just after the sparring has finished, the feast midway through. The stalls have been cleared from the market square, and the wide tawny and peach flagstones beneath our feet look nearly golden in the light from the lanterns that have been strung in a gleaming, delicate web above our heads, as if the stars themselves have descended to grace us with their light from an orbit we can nearly, nearly touch. They've hung lanterns on the darkened buildings surrounding as well, and the flickering flames touch everything with fingers of light so diffuse and mellow that all within their glow take on the quality of dreams. It is the sort of light that plays across features, that makes movement from stillness, that echoes and accentuates a dance.</p><p>"A dance, such as the one we intend to share with you, this night. The musicians enter, smiling and shaking hands with the sparring performers as they pass, and the crowd stills with anticipation and delight as they tune their instruments and confer low about the piece with which they should begin. But then- I suppose you've heard that part already, have you not?"</p><p>Arum keeps his eyes closed, feeling their hands, feeling the beat and the way the humans are swaying him along with it, and when he realizes that he cannot make his voice catch he simply nods, certain that Damien can feel the motion.</p><p>"They begin with something soft. Our Rilla rolls her eyes, having hoped for a bit more excitement-"</p><p>Arum's mouth pulls into a helpless smile as Amaryllis makes a noise of mock-betrayal, jostling the three of them as she swats a hand at the knight, but Damien's voice only goes warmer as he continues.</p><p>"But she smiles nonetheless as I take her hand, and we both take yours. Perhaps you frown as well, reluctant to be drawn into the romance of such a moment, but- will you... will you allow us to take your hands, my lily? Will you dance with us?"</p><p>His throat is too dry, his heart beating far too fast, but-</p><p>"Of c-course I- <em>always</em>, I- you know I will-" he manages, his eyes still dutifully closed, and Damien breathes a laugh.</p><p>"Thank you. Thank you for indulging me, my loves-"</p><p>"Don't be ridiculous."</p><p>"So," he says, and Arum hears the edge of laughter in his voice before he drifts back to his sonorous, enchanting tone. "So, we draw you out into the center of the square, and no one is bothered a single whit, not a single creature looks at us twice. No- this is my story, my lily, and I will tell it how my heart has made it. We are long past such concerns here, in this moment, in this space. The flames paint Rilla's eyes rippling liquid dark, your scales gleam beneath the soft twirl of your cape, and none look our way except to note how beautifully my partners glow. We lift our hands, my love, we take you safe within our arms, and... and together, my love, we dance."</p><p>They sway with him, slow and measured, warm and close, and Arum-</p><p>Arum can see it. Can see this gleaming fantasy that Damien has woven around them, and the sting is so much duller when Arum can feel their embrace, can feel their hands and their hearts, and he could almost believe himself truly there. Truly included in this part of their lives, their celebration and joy. He could almost believe that if he opens his eyes now, he will see the swirling crowd, miraculously safe, and his humans safe as well in his arms, bathed in billowing lamplight.</p><p><em>I miss him</em>, Damien says on the recording, his voice so terribly small, and Arum's breath catches as he holds the poet tighter.</p><p><em>We left him like an hour ago</em>, Amaryllis says, practical and mild. <em>And we'll be back home as soon as we're done here</em>. She pauses, and then after a moment she sighs. <em>But... yeah. Me too</em>.</p><p><em>Perhaps</em>... Damien says, so soft that the edges of his voice crackle through the mechanism, <em>perhaps, someday...</em></p><p><em>Someday</em>, Amaryllis agrees, and then Arum can nearly hear her smile. <em>But we'll worry about someday when it's a little closer. Let's just keep working on tonight</em>.</p><p>Arum breathes slow, struggling to keep the drumming of his heart under control, struggling not to hold them tighter and tighter and <em>tighter</em>, struggling not to collapse entirely under the weight of his affection, and Arum could still dig his claws into his fear, could still worry over every frayed edge and every moment of potential friction, could set his eyes on the uncertain future and fixate his fear on the idea of these creatures tiring of such beautiful, meaningful efforts for his sake, but-</p><p>But Amaryllis is always so much more clever than he, with such a gift for economy of language. <em>Let us keep working on tonight,</em> he thinks, another string of words with the strength of a spell, and then he finally opens his eyes again.</p><p>They are still the most beautiful creatures he has ever, ever seen.</p><p>"I love you so dearly," he rumbles, and his voice is unsteady, catching on every sharp edge as it comes up, but he cannot bring himself to care. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I cannot love you in the light, as you deserve. It is not <em>right</em> for you to be relegated to solitude and darkness with me while you both burn so brightly-"</p><p>"Don't you dare," Damien says, sharp and fierce, and Arum smiles.</p><p>"It sounds... beautiful, honeysuckle. It sounds like a dream." He inhales slowly, still feeling the scene that Damien described dancing around him like fireflies in the air. "I- I cannot help but be sorry that I am the cause for you both to have pulled yourselves away from such beauty."</p><p>"It is far more beautiful for the sharing," Damien murmurs. "If we wished to stay there, to simply drink in the evening for ourselves, rest assured that we would have done just so, my love."</p><p>"We'd rather be right here," Amaryllis says softly, smiling as she brushes her thumb over his cheek, lifting his chin. "With you."</p><p>She leans up the rest of the way, kissing him slow and thorough and certain, and when she pulls away Arum feels breathless for more reasons than one.</p><p>"Your presence in our lives does not diminish us," Damien says, his voice wavering with feeling. "Do you think I would have looked so closely, remembered so clearly, drunk in the evening with such fervor and care, if I did not wish for the memory to crystallize, if I did not intend to set this gem for you? Arum-" Damien leans back, enough to kiss Arum's cheek once, soft and sweet. "Arum, love is a living thing, nourishing as it is nourished, and even if circumstances are such that we cannot share every moment we wish with you in truth, in the most literal sense, that does not mean that we cannot share our lives. It does not mean that we cannot give ourselves to each other. If our love must exist in the shade to survive, that only means that we must attend to it with more care, that we must nurture each other and our love with every ounce of passion they deserve."</p><p>"We love you," Amaryllis says, and her own tone is shockingly full, unsteady, her eyes bright when Arum blinks in her direction. "We love you, and we're <em>better</em> for loving you. And we're gonna <em>keep</em> loving you until you're completely sick to death of us."</p><p>Arum barks a laugh, short and surprised, and then he gives up any remaining mirage of self-control and squeezes his arms around the pair of them, lifting them into the air. "You won't be rid of me <em>that</em> easily," he growls, burying his snout in Amaryllis' neck as she yelps a laugh. He spins, still holding them, a slow turn to the rhythm of the song still playing beneath all of their words. "I... I am-" He swallows, nuzzling closer, feeling their laughing breaths and their sturdy hearts beating, safe against him. "I love you. I pity the creature I was before I met you. You- you make me wish to be <em>better</em>, you make me wish to make the <em>world</em> better, for your sakes, and- and I can no longer imagine the shape of my life without you."</p><p>"Good thing that won't be a problem, then," Amaryllis says, breathless but still unbothered as she cradles his head in one hand, pressing a kiss to the scales just beside his frill. "Because we aren't going <em>anywhere</em>."</p><p>"No," Damien agrees. "Not so long as you will still have us."</p>
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